Friday, August 12, 2016

Wherein I Try Something New

Once Upon A Time
There was a mother. No, not just any mother but a very specific kind of mother. The kind of mother that is me- and believe me you can't get much more specific than that. And this particular mother has always been rather busy and independant. Not necessarily that she was always productive, because that's not always synonimous with busy, as you well know. She didn't usually sit down because if she did she would fall asleep. For her body knew that she only sat down and stopped moving if it were midnight or perhaps church and those are both good times to take a nap. If my bishop or RS President were ever to read my blog they can enjoy the confirmation of their suspicions that I might not be deep in contemplation. This is  why I will probably enjoy many years as ASL translator so I'll stay awake by  talking in church ALL THE TIME.
  This is the thing. (besides the fact that my contrary keyboard has decided to be italicized- that's an entirely different thing) 
I don't know how to just sit. I finally learned how to meditate if my mind is having it's own experience and the body is quiet for thirty to ninety minutes I can handle that. Finally, after a year and a half of practice. 
But apparently this amazing feat of Zen experience was insufficient for my growth and experience and I find my self on bed rest. Only get up to pee and bathe kind of bedrest. Don't twist or pull or use any core msucles kind of bedrest. No yoga in bed or leg lifts or weight lifting kind of bedrest. 
Just grow a baby and hold still kind of bedrest.
I don't recall ever having complained about being busy. I'm the one that does it to myself. I like a clean house, food that not only do I like but is somewhat healthy, freshly painted walls (love painting!) and grass growing in my yard.....instead of weeds. I love taking old junky furniture and painting it. I love sorting through toys and clothes and giving a bunch to I can go find more great deals on something new and different. I like change and I like making something look better, different and interesting. I willingly admit I have complained about having a dirty messy house or yard but that's a Mom thing that just comes with guys turning off lights all over the house- it's a reflex.
I didn't pray for patience. I promise. I have prayed for many things and I may well have uttered some heartfelt plea for something that is directly tied to this experience but it wasn't for patience. 
I will admit that the first week of bedrest was harder and things have gotten easier. And there are people who would kill to just roll over and go back to sleep when it's seven-thirty instead of getting up and going to work. They aren't wishing they could lace up their running shoes and plug in their earphones and head out the door for a three mile run as the sun comes up. There are advantages to taking a nap whenever you want to as long as your sleep mask is on, earplugs in and door safely locked and barred. I have never napped so often and have experienced insommnia for the first time in my life. It's great- I have a great deal more compassion for anyone who can't sleep. I would love to never experience it again.
I have been the recipient of more meals, house cleaning and kid sitting than in all my other new baby phases combined and I'm so grateful for all the help.
But I  have been  served more by my seventeen year old daughter than anyone else in my whole life except my own mother. She has taken over the cooking, cleaning, garden, yard and kids. She has gotten up in the night with sad kids and got them down for naps in the afternoon just in time to save both of our sanity. She has requested, cajoled, threatened and cried but mostly yelled in frustration as she got 5 other children to get up. sit up to eat, get dressed for the day, for church, for parties, for friends. She has gotten shoes, jackets, diaper bags, clean hands and shirts all out the door at the same time as the little bodies they go with and managed to holler out, "Bye, Mom, love you!" in a happy tone of voice. She has sung sweet little songs under her breath to a very cranky little boy who just wants something at 4 a.m. but has no clue what exactly that might be. She has figured up how much I would owe her if I were paying her to babysit and then laughed ...and laughed. She has smiled when a friend asked her if she wanted to have kids after the last 42 days of being the mom.
She has made special meals for me to meet my high protein demands and managed to practice her musical instruments every day through most days. 
Though I do not recommend it as a great way to get a vacation (no one in their right mind would pay money to get a back ache, and be assaulted by small children without any  warning several times a day and have to watch your two year old swing your favorite baritone Uke above his head  while you resist the temptation to jump up and stop him while yelling desperately for his big sister, would they?) I have certainly learned a lot about what kind of mom my daughter will be. And I have to say, I'm very proud of her. 
For the last ten days as she had to do the outside chores with her dad on a trip to Texas I have come to dread the time she is gone outside as that leaves me undefended  and I have a better idea why my little kids freak out when they can't find mom for thirty seconds. 
I've never been much of a crier and rarely find myself feeling lonely because I always took a minute to feel what ever is going on and then get up and go do something about it. Until i found myself entirely dependent on someone else for everything and where there is no other option but patience  and nothing to do but wait. Happy or sad, tired or rested and entertained or not - laying here is the option. I am so excited to meet this baby !.............and for Shaylee to come put in a new DVD.

*My cursor is freaking out..... no idea why! It jumps all over the screen so I'm not editing. At all .
My OCD is going wildand arguing with my inner English teacher. Good times* 

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